Humor for writing nerds

HOW TO WRITE GOOD

·        Allay alliteration.

·        Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

·        Avoid cliches like the plague, they're old hat.

·        Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

·        Employ the vernacular.

·        Eschew ampersands & abbrev., etc.

·        Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

·        It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

·        Contractions aren't necessary.

·        Foreign words and phrases are non apropos.

·        One should never generalize.

·        Eliminate quotations; as Hemingway said, "Piss on quotations. Tell me what you know."

·        Don't be redundant; in other words, don't use more words than necessary, as it's highly

       superfluous.

·        Be more or less specific.

·        Understatement is best in every case.

·        Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

·        One-word sentences? Eliminate.

·        Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

·        The passive voice is to be avoided.

·        Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

·        Why bother with rhetorical questions?