Monday, December 12, 2011

Humor for writing nerds

·        Allay alliteration.
·        Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
·        Avoid cliches like the plague, they're old hat.
·        Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
·        Employ the vernacular.
·        Eschew ampersands & abbrev., etc.
·        Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
·        It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
·        Contractions aren't necessary.
·        Foreign words and phrases are non apropos.
·        One should never generalize.
·        Eliminate quotations; as Hemingway said, "Piss on quotations. Tell me what you know."
·        Don't be redundant; in other words, don't use more words than necessary, as it's highly
·        Be more or less specific.
·        Understatement is best in every case.
·        Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
·        One-word sentences? Eliminate.
·        Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
·        The passive voice is to be avoided.
·        Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
·        Why bother with rhetorical questions?

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